I think there is something wrong with my head at the moment, in that, things are going well.

Not just well though, but reaaaaaaaaally well. Things with Mike have never been better, Im just about managing with my school work, im beginning to get excited about the Wales trip (With Liam, Claire and Mike) and Soul Survivor (With Roseanna, Ellie, Andrew, Matty and Jasper =D). I havent cut in over a month, and though im drawn to do it im in control. I havent punched anyone reccently. I have a small amount of money that will allow me to go out of the house (WOOP WOOP!). Im halfway through buying a T-Shirt of Jonny Durham designs, which i LOVE, and church seems to be learning.

Things are going well.

I think the best way to prove that is that my blog is filled with annoying little comments or pictures =P

Lack of ranting, i noticed, and so beleive i should insert one here, based on something i've been thinking about =)

Barriers.

The last time i crashed, i crashed MASSIVLY. Bad thoughts just seemed to head in my direction, and i couldnt escape them. It felt like an internal attack, because i just started hating myself again and again and again.

And with Mike, i just felt a bit distanced. We hadnt talked deccently for a while, and my friends were jsut getting to me with small comments.

I wrote down everything i thought about myself that i hated, or that was wrong. I wrote down what i wanted to do to myself, what i thought i needed to do to myself.

Then I forced myself to allow Michael to read it.

Annd we talked.

I kinda realised i hadnt been opening up.

I tell people things, and i tell alot of people alot of things.

But i dont often open up. Be honest, let someone elses feelings influence my own =)

I put up my barriers.

I've been thinking about it in a physical sense, purely because it works better with my analogy.
When i open up, i can let it out. Its never gone, but its not bothering me. When i begin to put my barriers back up again, slowly, slowly, i get more and more bad thoughts inside, before i dont know what to do and try to cut my way out. Needless to say it isnt the best method.

And it appears my barriers have gone back up agan...

But i'm gonna get rid of them =D I dont yet know how, but i deffo will =) before i do something i regret anyways =D