Keep Strong
You're doing so well
You can beat this
Keep fighting
Don't give up
Keep trying
You're so close
You're in control
Don't give in
You don't need it
I think i do
Meep.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Day three of Roseanna-less existance.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Roseanna. Still miss you =( Church wasnt the same.
We're going free hugging when you return. I don't care if its not till next year, or whether we can only do it at light switch on when theyre making us hand out goodie bags, but we're going free hugging damnit.
And I have a freaking black eye.
ARGH.
Love you
Write more later =)
We're going free hugging when you return. I don't care if its not till next year, or whether we can only do it at light switch on when theyre making us hand out goodie bags, but we're going free hugging damnit.
And I have a freaking black eye.
ARGH.
Love you
Write more later =)
My Roseanna-less existance
Friday, 23 October 2009
I AM ROSEANNA-LESS!!!
And now idea-less. I was gonna write something on this blog to her for every day that she's not here, but Helen seems to have adopted that idea before I could =(
Its gonna be weird without my favourite ginger. Italy was tricky enough, though i did get the odd text or two, I'll have none of that this time =(
And she's in america! Which i always think of as my place, not as in, it belongs to me, but as in, thats where i have so many good memories that i have a feeling thats where i'll end up.
I want it to be nice to herrr =)
I had noone to text when i saw the forest we always have to walk round after the shop has been trimmed.
Nor anyone to text to laugh at my adorable boyfriends effort to cook pasta.
AND THIS IS DAY ONE!!!
Sigh =/
Back to the drawing board =/
And now idea-less. I was gonna write something on this blog to her for every day that she's not here, but Helen seems to have adopted that idea before I could =(
Its gonna be weird without my favourite ginger. Italy was tricky enough, though i did get the odd text or two, I'll have none of that this time =(
And she's in america! Which i always think of as my place, not as in, it belongs to me, but as in, thats where i have so many good memories that i have a feeling thats where i'll end up.
I want it to be nice to herrr =)
I had noone to text when i saw the forest we always have to walk round after the shop has been trimmed.
Nor anyone to text to laugh at my adorable boyfriends effort to cook pasta.
AND THIS IS DAY ONE!!!
Sigh =/
Back to the drawing board =/
My name means free =)
Friday, 16 October 2009
Charlie means Free Man
Charlotte means Free.
I love it.
Charlotte means Free.
I love it.
Church Weekend Away
Monday, 12 October 2009
Honeyyy I'm homeeeee!!
And I feel amazing =)
I expected a weekend away with church to be somewhat...Well...
Churchy
Which would entail long and boring talks about how Jesus said point a in the bible, but really meant point b, Which if you look in the old testiment actually shows he may have meant point c.
Which are always interesting talks, but well, its a weekend, of which i gave up my favourite bed and single lie-in of the week, and a heavy talk...Pfft. No thanks.
I was wrong =)
Im gonna have to get used to saying that, I will be using it more than once in this post.
Do you know what I got?
Well actually, most of you do, but I'll say it anyway =D
I got two of the most awesome youth people ever, who I got to watch grow in confidence, and who are amazing at encouraging immaturity, are trusting and full of God.
They're approachable and friendly, and I am in discussions with God (I will win =D) about bringng them down here, because they are exactly what our church needs.
Anyways, we ended up playing games that involved getting wet (Although I succeded in staying dry), there was cow-racing, cushion fighting, mass raving, and more.
And it wasnt "GOD LOVES YOU, ACCEPT THIS NOW 'CAUSE ITS TRUE HONEST!!" which i've found alot of events away are. Not in a bad way, but its just how they are, theyre very urgent in their message, and I find myself kind of snapping back that I dont want it, and blocking myself off.
There wasnt ANY of that =)
It was more, "Hey, God loves you.". Casual, calm, interesting, makes you think.
Especially the conversation I had with Andy =)
I'm not even sure why I went upstairs to the youth room in the first place...I was so anti-everything at the time, that i just didnt want to go to the service.
Jordan and Emmy didnt particularly want to go either, so we had a walk and a chat (Which even now I wouldnt trade for anything =).
But left with nothing to do after everything was over, we went upstairs.
Which i beleive is a Godism.
I missed the service which affected many people, but in doing so i had a very casual conversations of which im sure has changed thing. Anyways, im getting to that.
The entire weekend was positive. I had my friends, i had hugs every time i even thought about it, I had "love you" and laughter every few seconds. I didnt feel like i had to meet anyones standards, and i couldnt be bothered with feeling embarressed.
But my weekend was also a tad bit Godly, which i never expected...
My faith has been very much pushing God away for quite a long time, and when asked by Andy (The awsome-youth-leader-man-person) i said pretty much that.
I didnt plan it to be a discussion, i was just honest.
He asked me why, and so i told him I was in a place where I couldnt ask God for anything because i didnt know how my return would be. I wanted to come out of this on my own, to prove to myself that i could, and that I had noone to blame but myself.
Have i mentioned that I desperatly wanted to cut? I was planning it and everything, because i wasnt with Roseanna, when i got back to my room i could've got away with a few cuts and then wear my shoelaces a bit better...
So anyway, Andy told me about how he was so pushed out of church and doing the weekend was worth it for him, and how he'd grown that week, to be alot more like his old self. He said a few more things, but eventually asked me to pray to God about anything that evening. Five minutes he said, just to talk to him.
I laughed it off, and said how I wouldnt do it out loud in case Roseanna was asleep and woke up to hear me talking to myself.
And to be honest, in amidst the fun-but-extremely-interesting-conversations, i pretty much forgot about it. We all slowly started drifting off to bed around midnight (early night for us lot =P) and Andy told me he'd pray for me. I kinda just shrugged and Jordan and I walked back.
Roseanna wasnt in when I got back. I text her and told her i was back, read the cool magazine that was left in the room, and doing a bit of nothing.
She text back and told me that she was gonna be a while and so seizing the opportunity, i went to get out my razors. It was the first time i'd been ready to do it since i got back from Soul Survivor. I'd been so tempted, but always managed to control it.
I found my pens before i found my razors...And i remembered what Andy said, and so attempted to find some paper to scrawl down a prayer.
It was kind of a, sure, why not. Andy asked nicely, i owe him that at least.
I wrote about four pages, which is average for me, but it was nice. I dont know. I just felt a bit calmer.
I read a bit more, doodled a bit more, and then went to sleep (Roseanna walked in like, two seconds later but not the point).
I barely realised that i'd forgotten to cut.
In the morning i felt a bit lighter. And not just because i skipped breakfast =P
I took communion also. First time in quite a long time. I just felt comfortable with the group that i was with.
Kays, i know this seems like a very long post for a tiny tiny tiny revelation, but bear with me.
I thought the same this morning when i woke up. Thought kept going through my head... I must've been hyper or something, it was rubbish, i should've just cut, blates praying isnt gonna help, God wont want to know, ect.
Then i got a text from Katie.
Katie is like...My spiritual friend. I dont know her that well but she is just full of God.
I was at her baptism =)
Anyways, she sent me a text saying it was a tad strange but she woke up and wanted to tell me Matthew 7: 7.
Do you know what it says?
Apparently, all i need to do is ask.
God spoke to me...
TWICE! =D
So I'm going to give it a go.
I dont know if it will work
But apparently God wants it to work.
So why not? =)
I will try.
----EXTRA NOTE----
Today is in fact the tuesday after this, and I apparently am still being spoken to. I got given this at a careers thingy today.
I will beat it =)
And I feel amazing =)
I expected a weekend away with church to be somewhat...Well...
Churchy
Which would entail long and boring talks about how Jesus said point a in the bible, but really meant point b, Which if you look in the old testiment actually shows he may have meant point c.
Which are always interesting talks, but well, its a weekend, of which i gave up my favourite bed and single lie-in of the week, and a heavy talk...Pfft. No thanks.
I was wrong =)
Im gonna have to get used to saying that, I will be using it more than once in this post.
Do you know what I got?
Well actually, most of you do, but I'll say it anyway =D
I got two of the most awesome youth people ever, who I got to watch grow in confidence, and who are amazing at encouraging immaturity, are trusting and full of God.
They're approachable and friendly, and I am in discussions with God (I will win =D) about bringng them down here, because they are exactly what our church needs.
Anyways, we ended up playing games that involved getting wet (Although I succeded in staying dry), there was cow-racing, cushion fighting, mass raving, and more.
And it wasnt "GOD LOVES YOU, ACCEPT THIS NOW 'CAUSE ITS TRUE HONEST!!" which i've found alot of events away are. Not in a bad way, but its just how they are, theyre very urgent in their message, and I find myself kind of snapping back that I dont want it, and blocking myself off.
There wasnt ANY of that =)
It was more, "Hey, God loves you.". Casual, calm, interesting, makes you think.
Especially the conversation I had with Andy =)
I'm not even sure why I went upstairs to the youth room in the first place...I was so anti-everything at the time, that i just didnt want to go to the service.
Jordan and Emmy didnt particularly want to go either, so we had a walk and a chat (Which even now I wouldnt trade for anything =).
But left with nothing to do after everything was over, we went upstairs.
Which i beleive is a Godism.
I missed the service which affected many people, but in doing so i had a very casual conversations of which im sure has changed thing. Anyways, im getting to that.
The entire weekend was positive. I had my friends, i had hugs every time i even thought about it, I had "love you" and laughter every few seconds. I didnt feel like i had to meet anyones standards, and i couldnt be bothered with feeling embarressed.
But my weekend was also a tad bit Godly, which i never expected...
My faith has been very much pushing God away for quite a long time, and when asked by Andy (The awsome-youth-leader-man-person) i said pretty much that.
I didnt plan it to be a discussion, i was just honest.
He asked me why, and so i told him I was in a place where I couldnt ask God for anything because i didnt know how my return would be. I wanted to come out of this on my own, to prove to myself that i could, and that I had noone to blame but myself.
Have i mentioned that I desperatly wanted to cut? I was planning it and everything, because i wasnt with Roseanna, when i got back to my room i could've got away with a few cuts and then wear my shoelaces a bit better...
So anyway, Andy told me about how he was so pushed out of church and doing the weekend was worth it for him, and how he'd grown that week, to be alot more like his old self. He said a few more things, but eventually asked me to pray to God about anything that evening. Five minutes he said, just to talk to him.
I laughed it off, and said how I wouldnt do it out loud in case Roseanna was asleep and woke up to hear me talking to myself.
And to be honest, in amidst the fun-but-extremely-interesting-conversations, i pretty much forgot about it. We all slowly started drifting off to bed around midnight (early night for us lot =P) and Andy told me he'd pray for me. I kinda just shrugged and Jordan and I walked back.
Roseanna wasnt in when I got back. I text her and told her i was back, read the cool magazine that was left in the room, and doing a bit of nothing.
She text back and told me that she was gonna be a while and so seizing the opportunity, i went to get out my razors. It was the first time i'd been ready to do it since i got back from Soul Survivor. I'd been so tempted, but always managed to control it.
I found my pens before i found my razors...And i remembered what Andy said, and so attempted to find some paper to scrawl down a prayer.
It was kind of a, sure, why not. Andy asked nicely, i owe him that at least.
I wrote about four pages, which is average for me, but it was nice. I dont know. I just felt a bit calmer.
I read a bit more, doodled a bit more, and then went to sleep (Roseanna walked in like, two seconds later but not the point).
I barely realised that i'd forgotten to cut.
In the morning i felt a bit lighter. And not just because i skipped breakfast =P
I took communion also. First time in quite a long time. I just felt comfortable with the group that i was with.
Kays, i know this seems like a very long post for a tiny tiny tiny revelation, but bear with me.
I thought the same this morning when i woke up. Thought kept going through my head... I must've been hyper or something, it was rubbish, i should've just cut, blates praying isnt gonna help, God wont want to know, ect.
Then i got a text from Katie.
Katie is like...My spiritual friend. I dont know her that well but she is just full of God.
I was at her baptism =)
Anyways, she sent me a text saying it was a tad strange but she woke up and wanted to tell me Matthew 7: 7.
Do you know what it says?
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you
Apparently, all i need to do is ask.
God spoke to me...
TWICE! =D
So I'm going to give it a go.
I dont know if it will work
But apparently God wants it to work.
So why not? =)
I will try.
----EXTRA NOTE----
Today is in fact the tuesday after this, and I apparently am still being spoken to. I got given this at a careers thingy today.
I will beat it =)
Bang. Wallop.
Monday, 5 October 2009
Crash.
Im crashing.
Owwww-yyyy.
Im crashing.
Owwww-yyyy.
I hate having people round.
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Pointless post to cure my boredom and make me look busy.
I hate having people at my house.
Its not just the fact that it is miniscule in comparison to the majority of my friends.
Its not just the fact that its ridiculously difficult- with two unsociable dogs we pretty much get confined to one room.
Its not even the fact my parents are that unused to company that they go a tad hyper.
Its the grr-ing before hand.
Cause, well, Mikes coming over today, cause we've been going out months and i've successfully kept him away from the house.
Mum has cleaned every part of the house she possibly can, got me to hoover, and then rehoovered herself, polished and shined bits of the house he will never see and generally gone a tad OCD.
So she's a tad high strung at the moment.
Dads just tryin to get out the way and shift the blame onto me.
Hes also trying to find something which i have no idea what it is, but i got yelled at until i joined in the pointless search. If i found it, i would have no idea.
So im getting growled at from all sides, and an hour before we go steal Michael.
Greaaaaaaaaaaaat.
I hate having people at my house.
Its not just the fact that it is miniscule in comparison to the majority of my friends.
Its not just the fact that its ridiculously difficult- with two unsociable dogs we pretty much get confined to one room.
Its not even the fact my parents are that unused to company that they go a tad hyper.
Its the grr-ing before hand.
Cause, well, Mikes coming over today, cause we've been going out months and i've successfully kept him away from the house.
Mum has cleaned every part of the house she possibly can, got me to hoover, and then rehoovered herself, polished and shined bits of the house he will never see and generally gone a tad OCD.
So she's a tad high strung at the moment.
Dads just tryin to get out the way and shift the blame onto me.
Hes also trying to find something which i have no idea what it is, but i got yelled at until i joined in the pointless search. If i found it, i would have no idea.
So im getting growled at from all sides, and an hour before we go steal Michael.
Greaaaaaaaaaaaat.
Teehee
Friday, 2 October 2009
I
Am
Going
Shopping
On
Sunday
To
Be
A
GIRL! =D
Mums givng me some money, I'm going with two girl-girls and a guy-girl. I HAVE (no option) to buy pink, for the pink party i'm going to...
Im so excited.
A hell of alot less exciting though-
Thing is though random friends who read this, i need a favour.
Please please please please pray for a guy called Bradley. I know you dont know him, but he has cancer, and has just been told he has a few days left to live. He's barely twenty. I'm friends with his little sister. I have no idea how she'll deal with it, how the family will deal with it, but please pray for them, him, or his family. I wouldnt ask for it if i didnt want help guys, please please pray.
Thanks x
Am
Going
Shopping
On
Sunday
To
Be
A
GIRL! =D
Mums givng me some money, I'm going with two girl-girls and a guy-girl. I HAVE (no option) to buy pink, for the pink party i'm going to...
Im so excited.
A hell of alot less exciting though-
Thing is though random friends who read this, i need a favour.
Please please please please pray for a guy called Bradley. I know you dont know him, but he has cancer, and has just been told he has a few days left to live. He's barely twenty. I'm friends with his little sister. I have no idea how she'll deal with it, how the family will deal with it, but please pray for them, him, or his family. I wouldnt ask for it if i didnt want help guys, please please pray.
Thanks x
