Life isnt simple any more.

Excitement still is :) Which it probably shouldnt be. I mean, swings still put the biggest smile on my face ever. As do shiney things.

But i cant get my head around anything right now.

I started a diary again a few weeks ago. It only has two entries. Because i wrote one, and realised how everything i wrote, i wasnt sure about.

Was it like this, or that, or should i react like this, or that, how is it, what is it, what does it mean? Etc.

Jasper commented on saturday I had changed. The best way he could describe it was that I was happier...

Unfortunatly it just means that ive got better at not being so.

Im so lost and confused about practically everything. Whether its the devil, or me, i dont know. Im suddenly realising things and questioning them.

For example, I realised I have no close friends in school.

I have a lot of friends. But no really close friends.

I have noone that i can talk to about whats bothering me.

Apart from when i post it on the internet, which is apparently what im doing.

I'm in so much trouble at the moment with myself. I cant place it, i cant work it out, and noone wants to care.

I cant blame them obviously..."You can only blame your problems on the world for so long, before it all becomes the same old song". I cant ask or expect them to listen.

I just wish I knew what i was doing at the moment.

Is it strange that the two people I want to talk to most right now, not about problems, but just to make me feel better in general, one is in Surrey and one is in Exeter?

If its not strange, it sucks.

plergh.

Rant over.