My shrink, a while ago, asked me how I would describe myself.
To me, this is a horrible and impossible question. I can repeat what people tell me I am, but genuinely working out what I am, is impossible for me. I get really wound up about it and refuse to answer.
Crazy hippy hypno lady called me stupid for not being able to answer, in my second of two failed sessions last year.
What she asked me was if I knew who I was.
I don't care to be honest. Searching for who I am is an endless and futile task, however, it did get me thinking.
I worked out that I have two different major social circles, and several inbetween that.
My two, really, are Church and School.
Within Church theres the people I have to hang out with, and the people I choose to hang out with.
Within school, it seperates mostly into girls and boys, or else, Field People and Inside people.
Its still relevant...Because when I'm with church, I cant be the way I am at school.
When Im with school, I cant be who I am at church.
Because in one circle, certain conversations and things, are more than normal, they're expected. In the other, they're pretty much banned. It goes both ways.
It means that when I've done something totally normal with my school friends, I end up feeling guilty about it in church. Its not necessarily against God, and Its all in good fun, but theres a lot I hold back from my church friends.
Same goes the other way. I will talk about how I beleve in God to the people at school, but I cant exactly have a godly conversation with them, ask them what they think of a problem, or ask for spiritual support.
I'm having to split myself carefully, very carefully, and hold to make sure I dont slip up.
Its intruiging.
Anyway, on a different note, I'm loving the fact its sunny. How it puts me in a better mood!I went out yesterday with the group I usually hang out with at school, which was really nice =) They do like climbing through, whether a tree or each other. It made it more interesting I guess =P
The idea of it was like a picnic kind of thing, which, with seven guys and one other girl, we ran out of food and drink pretty quick. Which meant a run for me, Rhiannon and Joe, to the well loved 99p shop =P
Bored, and impulse buyers, we bought a load of stuff, and then bought fairy wings for Rhiannon, and a football for Joe =P
The football was great fun =P The guys kept laughing at me because I was chasing them for it, because apparently I had never run in front of them before. Im so sure I have! Though admitedly, at school, its bloomin tricky in dolly shoes =P
Anyways, thats where the pictures of today are coming from. I wanted some nice pics of me-and-people, just like before, so hopefully I have a few =)
Its raining =( This sucks. About four seperate people told me that today would be the hottest day of the year so far, and they lied =(
Hence why there's a blog post, instead of a me outside, meeting up with people.
Which I may still do anyway. Depends how lazy I feel =)
Much love =) x
