Love Will Not Break Your Heart, But Dismiss Your Fears.

I always seem to go totally weird when it comes to lyrics. Alot of my God-Inspired shizz always used to come from lyrics, so when I find a band that means something to me lyrically, I hold onto that band and refuse to let go =P

In this case, it is Mumford & Sons. They have the most amazing songs, always starting off slow and quiet and building into something real. All of their lyrics are so sweet, and their album is amazing.

They just keep me calm. Not sure I could have got through my exams without them :)

I also loved that Ellie quoted them to make me feel better. Mumford & Sons now keep me safe, and I love them very muchly :)



Anyways, this week has been...Interesting.

I totally lost myself on saturday after some comments that broke me. I found myself wondering if I should bother to carry on the way I am, or if I should kind of retreat into my own world and stay away.

I did neither. I tried to change who i am.

It sounds stupid, but alot of the comments blamed me or commented, because I am flirtatious. Because I find sexual humour funny. And to be honest, when i hang out with about fifteen guys every lunch, its just natural now to see the funny side in that sort of situation.

So I had to try to change that. Because apparently that made all the bad things that scared me a few years ago, my fault.

I was working on the basis that if three people had told me, close together, that I wasn't right in the way that I was, I should at least try to change.

Not that it worked all the time of course. I discovered how much of my sense of humour could not be repeated at church :P It was tricky. But instead of people liking the change, I got yelled at alot :(

So I have concluded, that people are freaking confusing.

I have been labelled 'boring', 'waste of space' and even told by a friend to 'Go find a new friendship group, we dont want you here like this'.

Which to be honest, the people that said them, I can judge in the sense that to be honest, they're more on the outskirts of the group than I am, and have no say. But still. Um. Ouch?

Maybe thats why people at church don't like me so much, because I dont have my sense of humour so much available there.

Back to the point.

Being someone else, totally sucked. Now my sense of humour is immature, and guy-like, but frankly, fuck it. Its me. Im comfortable with guys, I know where the limits are with them, and thats just who I am. They know I'm joking, and ffs- I dont deserve the shit i get half the time :)

There has been one good thing coming out of this week, and thats been a better friendship with one of my guy friends, whom i love. Purely because he made me laugh everytime someone said something crappy, and I was able to talk to him more :)

So to be honest, I'm going back to the me that I'm vaguely comfortable with.

Tough it :)