So when I list the things that have been happening recently, its a really horrible list.

Nearly all of my 'Things Going On At The Moment', are negative, fallings out or bitchings.

I'm trying to stay out of them as much as possible, but admittedly I'm not perfect. I'm way better than I was though!

The fact that I can ignore comments aimed at me and rationalise them in terms of which are worth my worrying is massively awesome. I'm not bogged down by it any more.

However, I have also been trying to think about things more Christian wise-y. For example, if I want to complain or be sad or babbly or happy, I'm attempting more and more to pray about it. Despite my previous aversion to prayer.

I had a completely beautiful internal moment whilst it was raining the other day. I enjoyed summer so much, to the point where I was genuinely sad that it was raining so horribly. I started grumbling at God, not having a go at him, but just complaining that I didnt like it.... And then I kept remembering all the stupid things I've done in the rain, like running from one place to another, laughing  like an idiot with my friends, and how much I've laughed due to rain related incidents already. Then I remembered the cheesy line about how you cant have a rainbow without rain, or how nothing would grow without rain, about how important it really is :)
I got a bit sheepish with God at that point :P

Mwa ha ha.

Will blog again in a minute. Photo-uploading timeeeeeeeeee :) <3

Very not cool.

So the BreakDown is going well :) We've had setbacks, but we've all said that theres a reason we have two months. If I havent posted it before, the website is http://breakdownonline.wordpress.com/.

I'm also getting excited about Rome again :). When I sit down and think about it, I really cant wait :)
I''ve also managed to get up to about day eight of bible in a year. This weekened, I will catch up. However, my book list is follows

• Howards End (English Lit)
• Wuthering Heights (English Lit)
• Breakout (Book Rach leant me that i really need to give back :P)
• Unification of Germany (History..)
• The Lucifer effect (Psychology)
• The Isreal Naravez book (Because I love him)
• Bible in a year.

Obviously not in order of priority.

On the whole however, I am considerably grumpier. At the moment, I would advise most of my friends to stay away from me....
Well no, thats a lie. Just to ignore anything I say thats mean. Cause its getting ridiculous, I don't seem to be thinking before I speak at all.

Which leads me to the most irritating issue, which is the sudden but very definite decay of friendship groups.

I appear to be the only one who prepared for this. Our group is about 25 people on average, I assumed at 6th form we'd all break up into our smaller groups and hang out in those instead.
Which essentially is what happened. But for one thing, people keep trying to get everyone together. Though I admire the efforts, its too soon for people to notice what they're missing.
But the biggest most irriating issue is the bitchiness hitting week three of 6th form. Suddenly everyone wants to hate each other, scream at each other, and involve as many people as possible in saying something essentially not worth saying.

Its bothering me, because I'm seeing so many of my friends upset.

Also, because of my grumpiness, I'm making alot of sarcastic comments that I'm worrying might hurt people. I'm also very quick to defend people. My temper needs a chill pill.

But really, theres not much that can be done about it. I can try to act the peace maker, but I know from the people that its probably better if they move on and let it die. Though I also know that the liklihood of that is minimal.

Ergh. I'll be more cheerful later. I promise.

Although I do have to explain to Dad that i broke the computer.

Wish me Luck.

I'm blaming the multitude of Pineapples on my inability to complete the BreakIN section of the BreakDown website.

Yes, you read it right.... We have a website! Kind of. Its not had the finishing touches on it yet, but its being made as we speak. Ish. Well, its open in my second tab waiting for me to go back and complete the BreakIn section, with or without pineapples.

But enough about Pineapples! More about the breakdown.

We've recorded a song! Well, I say we. Jasper and I know when to stay out of the way and allow the people who know what they're doing to actually do it, so the Katie and James have recorded their own version of Only You, with a chilled overlay, some amazing singing on Katies part, and a wicked sick guitar solo. Yeahhhhmannnn it sounds amazing.
And the more I listen to it the more it means to me personally, though I'm not sure if that makes sense? Its a song which is beautiful anyway, so is great to listen to, but the fact its been done by James and Katie makes it waaay more personal, and personal worship is what is most important to me? It also reminds me there's a part for me, the BreakDown is real and happening and I get to talk to God through that.

All that in a song. Pretty good hey?


So Jasper and I, instead of twiddling our thumbs and getting in the way of some mad recording, brainstormed for a few hours, and did a bit of the website (Though admittedly, Jasper did most), and came up with some wicked ideas.

AND THE SONG! We know what the new song is going to be. And I am well excited about it. Though against it at the same time? Im not sure how that works. Will explain more later :) I'm not sure whether the BreakDown planning is meant to be kept quiet so that its more of a surprise, but I'll babble on until someone tells me to shut up :)

Am so excited all over again. I have never felt this happy and content about somethin like this for so long. Usually i would have ducked out and given up by now, just out of laziness and ease. This though, i really care about.

I wonder what makes it like that this time. It didnt start out of major passion for God. I didn't have a personal Godly moment. It was an idea I thought would bring God back into my life.

And it has. But my passion is still waaay more than it ever was.

I was thinking about this on my walk around to the bus stop this morning.

I still am not sure.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Anyways. On a side note, I seem to be finding really mundane things really funny at the moment, so apologies if I laugh like an idiot for no apparent reason....

I find that if I don't blog often, I don't blog at all for long periods of time. Which irritates me, because then there's like a gap of knowledge when I look back on it :)

Anyway. In forcing myself to blog, there's a extra high chance of babbling :)

So 6th form! Is the massive change I guess. The big new thing that I keep getting asked about, or else is a pretty good conversation starter.

I've got the OMGoodness bit down. I knew I'd get to 6th form and realise my subjects could be a bad idea based on sheer potential workload, which I have. Just having been run through the syllabus for the year is enough to make me wonder if i'll handle it :)

But on the whole, its pretty easy to settle in. I've done two days, and have amazing teachers and classes. I have at least one good friend in every lesson, and genuinely havent got a teacher I don't like. At the moment, theres not much to do in frees other than to waste time, but wasting time is always better than actually doing something, so I wont complain.

But the FOOD man! OH yeah! Finally some decent food I don't have to spend twenty minutes queueing for :) Am well impressed with it, though I'll have to work out whats best to do, with how much of it I have :P

I love the subjects too, despite knowing they'll probably cripple me. English, i have really enthusiastic teachers who genuinely enjoy it, and proper chill out with our lessons :) We're doing The Road and Wuthering Heights. If it were my choice, I'd do something else, but hey, i'll probably love them by the end of the year :P Add in the fact I have Liam and Leila, and I'm sorted maaan :)
Pre U Psychology looks freakin amazing. Although they did overload my bag with the folder they decided to give me. But it looks great! And I'm intruiged that the book I bought a while ago and have only read a little bit of (The Lucifer Effect) is studied in my course. Sorted! :P PLUS I HAVE CLAIRE. Which makes any lesson amazing :P
Philosophy looks HARD,but really interesting. I've so far found the lessons a bit...lacking, but talking about it afterwards facinating. Not sure where that'll lead me, I just cant wait for an actual lesson which isnt introductory :) And I have Matt and Leila to keep me sane :)
And finally, euro history, I'm just beyond happy that I have Miss F, cause she was as excited as we were about it. The topics look less interesting, but I want to do russian history, which is next year, so i'll stick with it :) Plus I have Matt to sit next to, with Bunting and many others to make it even more awesome.


The thing that I really like about 6th form I think though, is the fact I've changed alot over the holidays, and it reflects in how I am in 6th form.

Three key differences in me :)

• I can be alone without freaking out. Yes, I do prefer to have someone with me to walk with or talk to, but thats to save me from getting lost or boredom more than anything else. I wont have a mini freak out if I have to walk from one place to another without anyone now. I guess thats more confidence in myself than anything else, which I'm completely making the most of.
• I don't have to fill the silences. If its a regular silence, I'm able to sit without getting uncomfortable. I will of course fill it with conversation if i have seomthing to say, but it doesnt bother me to the point I freak out like it used to :)
• I don't constantly panic about seeing certain people. I don't panic about seeing anyone now really, 'cause I don't care =P I've made my peace with the people who scared me to be near, and its their issue if they havent responded, not mine. I realised over the summer that I can be more like me, without horrific consequences, and have even made a friend or two out of it. Though I will go quiet around certain people, its about a third of the people it used to, and I usually relax after a while.

All of this means 6th form is waaaay more relaxed than I anticipated. So I'm happy :)
Anyways, this feels long enough for one blog. Until next time ;)

We managed it! We finished it! We're gonna plan another one!

My brains not working so i've stuck it into headings :)

The BreakUP
The worship part of The BreakDown. We spent the day really worried about the weather, because It was mostly overcast and rainy spells. We spent a good hour in Starbucks worrying about it, before deciding to just trust it and go with it. And though it was ICY cold, it worked. No rain, good light, just needed a blanket and it would have been sorted! :)
And I genuinely think it went well :)
I managed to talk! =) No freezing up, no stammering, and I said everything I wanted to. I want someone to go through with me what I did wrong though, so that I can get better :)

Daniel also came to watch for a bit, which was lovely of him because we knew he was busy, and he wasnt obligated to help at all. He was willing to be our man in case of rain, if we needed GBC. I also think (going from the meeting we had), he'll be particularly helpful in the mission sides of things :)
Jokingly, Andy told me we should have sweets, because that always interests teenagers. We went with Chips instead, by pure accident :P The service went really well, only we were freezing and went for chips. It was cool that most people didn't run off afterwards and actually wanted to hang out, which is half the point really :)

I have a favourite bit of it though, easily.


Okay, I KNOW Katie was, because she sung it anyway =L Acappella and with major lols =D Was amazing! I'm going to try to upload it here, so if it goes well, it will be up :P

BreakIN, on the other hand, was different because it was huge. It got dark too quickly though! It was awesome to see so many people there. 30-somthing people, with some actually amazing performances. It was chilled and relaxed, and my friends genuinely enjoyed it. Im thinking it'd be good for some ofthem to come to the other parts of breakout maybe :)

I'm too tired now to babble about it for all that much longer, but i genuinely think that The BreakDown was amazing, and I'm so happy with it :)

Cant wait for the next one =D