I'm trying to regain the fact that blogging is theraputic, and goodness knows I could use some therapy right now :)


I see my shrink in a few days, and I'm totally torn between what I should say. She's trying to get rid of me from Therapy, undoubtedly so that someone more deserving can come and take my place, however all that did was panic me and make me regress alot.

So now I'm back where I was three months ago, in the exact same position with the exact same problems. I'm not happy or bubbly any more, I talk about things to less and less people, and I'm better at faking being okay than I thought. I also hate that someone said to me the other day "Ahh you're back to being the Charlie I remember and love!"...Which is the Charlie that isnt okay in Gods eyes. And I know I'm back to how it was, but I dont know how it happened so I don't know how to change back.

Everything seems difficult now, whatever it is. Its not even that I don't have time to do stuff, I just lack the motivation. Its reasonable to one day put off work in favour of guitar, but when theres a sentance to write and its happening every day, its a bit ridiculous. Especially when I know the time is better spent. I cant justify it.

I'm now wondering if my shrink is worth it. When she asks how my month has been, should I use the expletive that aptly sums it up honestly? Or tell her how amazing everything is and see how fast she shows me the door?

Two weeks of feeling okay does not negate three years of feeling crap. I hate that she does not know this.

Argh. Small rant over.