When you're little, I love you is what you say to your parents. Or your pet. Or your toy. Love is harmless, yet craved, simple and not a priority. If you're lucky enough, you get people who love you for your very existance, no matter how many times you wake them up because of a nightmare, or scream because you fell over. They're there to look after you, and you can usually-at least, I always could- rely on parental love. Safe love.

Then you get a bit older. You find out stuff like, Babies come from when Mummy and Daddy Love each other. Love has suddenly a new aspect. Love can do other things! You experience more, see relationships, understand you can love things or people in a different way.

Older still. Teenager now. You know what love is. You know the mechanics of it, the point of it, the relationship-or lack of- and you can doubt it. You can let it tear you apart.
Love becomes a personal and real thing in teenage years. You deal with the impact love-or lack of- would have on your life. See how it changes. Have your own first relationship, first kiss, first love, first I-love-you.

I'm blogging about this because its been on my mind. I have twisted views on love. I accept it now, whereas previously I would ignore anything directed at me. I beleived in love, I've always been the poet Romantic, but at the same time, enough shit happened that I didn't beleive anyone loved me. I'm sure people remember how I accept Gods love is universal, and for all- just not me.

Now I can say 'Love you', easily to my friends. Its a common thing to say. I strived for love for so long that I want to make sure people know people care about them. I tell people why I love them all the time.

Yet I have a block within relationships.

I love everything about Ben. I love the fact he's a massive nerd. I love how he fits in with everyone I know. I love how he makes me laugh, and how he puts up with me when I'm in a bad mood. I love that I can be myself around him, whether thats with how I look or how I act. I love how when I wake up, he'll always have text me. I love talking to him. I love when he makes me call him and his mumbling makes no damn sense. I love our story of being together, and I love how we are so suited. I love that he scares me by talking about the future, and I love how happy he makes me.

Somehow I cant say 'I love you' though. Not yet.
It cant be long off though x