I'm used to being selfish.
My cousin said some Christmas's ago about her new boyfriend, and how "I told him to put up with me being selfish, I haven't had to think of anyone else like that in a long time".
It was quite a few years ago, and I didn't really click what she meant until later. She meant it's very different to have to consider someone else in every plan you make, the long term consequences of what you say or do, having to keep someone prominent in your life.

Its fucking hard. I have times where I want nothing more than to turn my phone off and ignore everyone, and quite often I do- but its not as easy when you have someone you don't see as much as you should anyway.

I hate having to change the control. I'm used to with my friends, being able to make a plan to my liking. If I want to do something, I can usually get a few people to do it with. If I don't want to do it, I don't have to.

I do now. I have to adapt to when he cancels our plans last minute. I have to consider his reaction. I cant cancel Just Because I'm Tired because if I don't see him then, I wont see him for ages.

If I want to do something, and he doesn't, its not often I get my way. It's a good thing really, I'm too used to being selfish and so now need to get out of that habit. Doesn't stop me being grumpy about it though.

Like tonight... I've been revising really hard knowing we were going out this evening to the cinema and could just chill with each other for a bit. Now he's cancelled and I'm left with a lonely evening with my parents grilling me about why I'm not going out. Therefore I could really use a hug right now.

Meh. I'll grow up later.