I'm not sure how much I like change.

In school, Joe is leaving for Shuttleworth.

I want, so much, to not let him go. I genuinely consider him to be one of my best friends, up there with Fish and Mongoose.

Its changed with him... A year ago I don't think I knew his name. I was sure he hated me for months, after he snapped at me at Prom afterparty, after I'd slightly tipsily irritated him.Then he was my saviour in philosophy, making me laugh, being my friend. I wasn't afraid of him any more. Then, during the Rome weekend, he, Claire and I barely stopped laughing, or being stupid. Since then, he's been one of the best friends I've ever had.

Now he wants to leave, and I don't want him to... But then I do. I want whatevers best for him, and Shuttleworth will do so much more for him. I'm just gonna have to man up :)

Claire mentioned leaving also, and I'm not sure how serious she is about that, which scares me. I actually am so afraid of losing her.Again though, a year ago, we weren't that close. We had geography together, and were good friends from Wales and sleepovers we'd been together for, but in terms of how well I knew her, I barely did at all.
Riversides brought us together, we hung out more and more and more and just got closer. Both of us have said we can't work out how we became so close, but she's the best friend I could ask for.I'm scared she won't come to 6th form next year. I used to be mostly alone.

A year ago, I would say I have one friend who I truly trusted with everything, and that was fish. My next closest was a guy who I can barely stand to be around now, and I barely could at the time. I had lots of friends, but not so many close friends. Now, I've been spoiled by the amazingness of Mongoose and Ostrich, and I would be gutted without it. I'm not sure why I'm so nostaligic at the moment.

Perhaps because I was talking to Gaby and realised I loved how we'd become real friends, we trust each other and I adore having her in the group. We've changed so much from when I first knew her, only for the better. I wish I could spend more time with her. The problem is the bad change. The friend who annoys me no end now. The people who being in the same room with now makes me angry and want to leave. The person who I imagined becoming part of the closest circle of friends, who proceeded to do the unthinkable, and hurt my friend.

I genuinely want to persue a path of violence, but three weeks ago I thought he would be one of the people I would be so sad to miss. I don't like that kind of change. I've grown up, and I'm different. I can stand up for myself, I don't try to please everyone. But I am terrified I'll end up alone. Its a selfish fear, but a real one.

I don't know. The change at work I think i like, its more trust for me, the people, i love to bits.

I'm watching my sweetie change to become harder in the face of heartbreak, and I'm not sure how much I have an impact on that.

Yikes. Post.