I've been trying to be really careful recently not to upset anyone by saying this, but I don't think there's any point in hiding it-

I'm happy.

Really happy. My life is working out and everything just seems to fit into place now. I have a fantastic boyfriend, I've found out the people who look out of me no matter what, and they're the friends I know I'll never lose, I have no idea where I'm going in the future, but I'm enjoying the work I do at school, and the job that I have.

I'm moving forward. I love that even when things get really bad, I have a core faith in myself that I never used to. I trust in more of my decisions and I wont apologise unless I mean it.

The things that have upset me reccently with my friends, I've finally distanced myself from. It really upset me that rather than talking to me about it, they held it back, got further and further away from me, and then just were furious. That ruins things, whereas others just talked to me about it outright. The people who talked to me about it I listened to. The ones who shouted I got upset by, and it changed things only for the worse.

Now though, I've chilled out about it. If people want to talk to me, I'd love to talk to them. I have nothing against people, but I'm not willing to try when they aren't. Because I'm happy how I am.

The other things that upset me, like my failure of an impending future, a few psychos, and some small things that caught up with me, I don't care. Not in an agressive 'RAWR I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!' way, but  'Meh, you're not so bad. I can deal with this' kind of way.

My deal is that I have something in my life that makes me so happy. Some people hate that. Thats their problem. Part of me wants to go back to the person who would suck it up and blame it on myself, but I'm no longer willing to do that. I accept that people change, and thats where my line is drawn, and my happiness began.

Its the reason I've been so happy for the past year or so, because of this refusal, so I'm not willing to change it to be honest.

Sorry :)

So with the 'rents away for a bit, and the house owned essentially by Daniel and myself, I'm learning how to do a whole lot of new things. Domestic things, like washing and cleaning and such.

Its really odd! Prime example, I'm cooking stir-fry tonight. Now, to most, thats the easiest thing to cook ever. I've just never done it before. So it's all exciting and new.

The other thing I've been doing is catching the occasional Bus. Catherine and I were complaining about them today. I'm not as anti-buses as she, who thinks they should have a test before you get on the bus to identify if you're an idiot, and if you are you're not allowed on the bus. In fairness, I saw some of the loud shouty idiots who got on her bus, and I understand her concerns, however I feel it might be a little harsh :L

I do find my bus funny though. The public one this is, not the school one. For example, today, i had some random woman trying to talk to me, who kept grabbing my arm. Another who was shouting something about Cambridge. And another who ranted about her shopping bill. To herself!

That wasn't even whilst I was on the bus. On the bus it just got weirder. An old guy tried to get to the back of the bus, but caught his leg on a teenagers bag, which he hadn't yet pulled in.

The old guy grumbled at the back, supported by the shopping-shouty-woman, to which the kid turned round and started mouthing off about how rude he was. The woman sat next to him, who turned out to be his mum, instead of apologising or making amends for her sons rudeness, agreed with him!

Then it gets weirder, because crazy Cambridge lady then somehow managed to bond with the Mum over complaining.

Im not even sure how it happened.

A happy ending to be sure, but an odd one. Magical you might say.

Maybe it was! Maybe she was a crazy wizard woman.

Who knows. It is Huntingdon after all.

As I'm not on the computer much at the moment, it means I'm not blogging as much. Half because I don't have time to be on the computer at the moment, and half because when I do, I tend to want to sleep :L


I've been having the best few days of my life this week, I've loved every second of it. Whether its Daniel living with me, and so being able to be with him every single day, or its seeing friends, I've had a lot of fun.

I love hearing back from my parents, they sound like they're having great fun. It was their anniversary yesterday, which marks 25 years, and its made me think about marriage alot.

I never used to understand how or why people would choose to get married. To me, I could never understand how you could be with one person, and one person only for the rest of your life. I didn't want to end up like married couples I knew, who essentially just live together.

Old Lady One- Its just been really difficult.
Old Lady Two- You still live together though? And have the same bed?
Old Lady One- Yes, but its like we're not together. We're married but we're alone.

Genuine conversation I heard a few weeks ago while I wandered around town.

I have, since rapidly losing my commit-a-phobe nature after falling in love with Daniel, been thinking about the difference between marriage and a wedding.

A marriage is love. Its saying to someone "I want to be with you for the rest of our lives, whatever happens".

A wedding is that declaration, but blown up by a million times. Its throwing money at love, I assume to celebrate and enjoy it, but really, I half reckon its a test of character. People are truly meant to be together if they can last the demands of everyone else, and still enjoy their own declaration.

People don't make it easy. Whether its by being picky in food, bratty in nature, or just making things hard, its more pressure and stress at what should be perfect.

It costs alot, it brings out the side of people that makes you lose a whole lot of respect for them.

But I figure Its all worth it for that one moment where two people become one love.

Mushyrantover:)

Considering how happy I am at the moment, I've been writing really depressively, so I'll talk about the really awesome things that're going on in my life right now.

Firstly, Doctor Who Experience. Which is pretty damn amazing! I went last tuesday with Daniel and Tom, with absolutely no idea what it would be like. It was essentially just a walkthrough type experience, in which you get guided from room to room doing different things- so the idea was that the Doctor was trapped, and each room was a step in freeing him.

It was so cool. Obviously designed for kids, we loved it just as much as they did. Tom particularly, it was like taking a child round, he was so in awe of absolutely everything, and wanted pictures with everything. There were Darleks and Cybermen and exhibits of all the monsters of the last few series. It made me laugh that we had to queue for things like the the Darlek, pushing past kids 'cause Tom wanted a go.

I got to see Ellie on that day too, which made it beyond perfect. I havent seen her in so damn long, and I miss her some stupid amount. I wish more than anything to see her more often.

We had a right laugh just talking, and I forgot how fantastic it is just to open up and babble about everything. Its beautiful. I miss it.

I met more of Daniels friends over the next few days, some of them seem really cool. I like that with people like Tom, I think of him as my friend more than as 'Daniels friend'. Thats possibly because he's actually awesome, but I do love that I can trust someone new.

Other highlights of my awesome past few weeks included a meal at Jimmy Spices in Peterborough, which is really cool. Its an all you can eat buffet with really different food, Italian, Indian, Mexican, chinese, etc. Was really nice! Especially as Laura had a choice of about a hundred different foods, but stuck to chips and pizza :L

Also ended up going to the cinema twice in one day. I'm never doing that again, especially if I'm tired. We came out of the cinema, after having been taken there without realising in the first place, and then saw friends and so went again. I was so tired afterwards, especially as the first wasnt very good, and the second I'd seen before.

Also went on a games night! The first one that I've been to where I was actually allowed on the console. They taught me to play Halo! And granted, I wasn't good, but I will be when I get my xbox ;)

Theres all sorts, I'm just bored of typing now :L

There's all sorts of cool stuff happening, I just wish more of it was with certain friends :)

I don't know how to write this post at all really.

I made mistakes earlier. I got the balance wrong. Some of it was misinformed, some of it I did wrong with.

I worked it out though. I did wrong, and now I'm going to make it better. I don't piss off my friends on purpose.

I thought...well, i'd hoped... my friends would be more forgiving. I made a mistake. I want to make it better. But things are out of my control, and its destroying me that people are angry at me for them. I cant help that I cant get lifts to places. I cant help that I don't have much money. I cant help that im not always free

Going out more is something I can change, and when my parents get back, I should be able to more. Right now I cant. I just really really wish people could look and see that.

I've never been this happy before.
Its interesting, an something I was talking to someone about earlier this week. You don't know emotions at all.

You think you love someone, but somehow you don't know. I thought I loved my first boyfriend, and my second, and yet I feel only now I'm truely learning what it is.

I thought I'd been happy before, the best I could manage. I see now that the best I could manage was merely by squashing the unhappiness and ignoring everything that might effect it. Now, I'm genuinely happy.

For the first time, with Daniel, I'm not self concious. I'm not worrying about what I say or who I talk to, or what music I listen to or films I watch. Its all silly little things I notice, but they mean more to me than anything. I'm so happy with him.

Everything with him in my life is so perfect.

I need now to work out the balance between him and everyone else, because I'm getting it really wrong at the moment. Its hard to balance, its the first time I've messed up really bad with it. I think when I go back to school it'll be easier- free periods, after schools, etc, rather than a whole day being absorbed.

I miss my friends.

I the friend.

I've gotta sort it out.