Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear.

I really don't care about my exam tomorrow.

Last year, I took philosophy, and drilled it into my brain. There wasn't an analogy, or a counter argument, or a past question I didn't know.

And for all my efforts, and A's in class, and feeling satisfied when coming out of the exam, I got a D.

In case you missed that, I got a D.

I have no issues with what grade I get, but it threw me a bit. Of the exams I thought I did badly in, Philosophy wasn't one of them at all. I thought B/C kind of grades, but not a D.

So I said I'd retake, and maybe the Uni's would ignore that I messed up initially.

And they did! Completely. They haven't set a reset grade mark. Which means it now doesn't matter what I get in this exam to be be able to go to Uni. So....I really CBA.

I'm drilling it into my brain again, I know loads of examples and ideas and names and quotes, but if I come out and it was a rubbish paper- I don't care. If I get a rubbish grade- I don't care. Its unnecessary.

All of it rested on Uni, and Uni doesn't care about it. So there's really no point.

I  keep dreaming about Sheffield Uni. It ticks every box so far, and I really really hope that when I go to see it, it lives up to expectations. My life is falling into place quite nicely.

The only thing I'm missing is girls. I mentioned it to Daniel and I didn't realise how much so, I've lost a lot of my outgoing-ness, because I hang around with my guys. And my guys are fantastic, they really are, I adore them, and out of the people I want to keep in touch with forever, they're the ones I'd pick. But I miss having a girly best friend, the one who you can tell everything. I have, granted, Rachel, and Ellie, and Roseanna, who are amazing, and I get that from them- but I so rarely see them, I almost forget how to.

It's one of the things I'm really looking forward to and hoping for in University, that I can find that again.

I am, when I think about it, excited for university. It's going to be epic! The more I talk about it the more I want to do well so I can go and enjoy it. Everything has the potential to fall perfectly into place, and I love the idea of it...

So...8 months?